Like a Feather Falling!

What is the Nature of Selfishness?

It is difficult for me to decide whether it is in our nature to know and want ownership. I have often stated that it is man’s nature to be selfish and therefore this is why capitalism has become so popular. As of lately I have started to rethink the concept that selfishness is innately within humans. My reasoning lies in the belief that it is not our nature but a deeply routed adaptation which has been slowing building over time creating the very civilization we live in today.

I have always or as long as I could gather my own thoughts, subscribed to the idea that our hierarchy of needs is cyclical not triangle or in a pyramid since. For example in Maslow’s hierarchy of needs he first places physical needs such as hunger and thirst. Followed by safety and security needs such as shelter and protection. Followed by social needs, sense of belonging, and love. Followed by self esteem needs such as recognition and status and then at the very top which is reached by very few humans, self actualization. My belief is that in self actualization you realize that your needs don’t truly matter.

According to Maslow when a person reaches self actualization it means they have become all that they are capable of becoming. All motivation has lead them to a peak. But where do you go from that peak? I believe that at your peak you realize there is and has never been an ultimate goal for one individual. While all your life you were lead around to believe that you must want to do this and you must need to do that. Society motivates you to act in a certain way.

Becoming self actualized you start the cycle all over again but this time instead of worrying about one’s own goals a person starts looking towards others need for fulfillment. This fulfillment would come naturally if we were not so lead by a certain culture. The reason I believe our needs are cyclical is because once a peak is reached we have no more introspection to do. It is all extrospection.

Through extrospection you are looking beyond yourself and towards others. Not in judgment or pity but in pure want or need rather to help, to coexist, as one.
This is why I believe that selfishness is not innate but taught. Throughout centuries of me, me, me lessons people have learned to focus on themselves without much thought of others.

To me not thinking about the well being of others is unnatural. We in our hypersensitive egotistical society have been taught to think about the betterment of ourselves. So many of us believe war is natural. I don’t. I believe it is very unnatural to want to kill another human being for whatever purpose.

Human life is the most precious of things, whether or not there is life beyond this,  which I would like to believer their is. As a human I carry the most beautiful burden of rarely being completely satisfied but it is within this bittersweet note that I understand how precious and ephemeral life truly is.

I believe the idea of not ever really being satisfied within this society only further promotes the idea that this culture is toxic and fleeting. Thankfully it is fleeting! I would gamble to say that since the start of Western Civilization there has been much debate over whether it was natural or unnatural. There have probably been several deeply individual revolutions which didn’t cause enough an uproar.

Well you need to yell. You need to express whatever it is that is within your mind. Because that is you. You are your thoughts and once you write or speak them then they are free. They are released to everyone to be read and to be heard. And throughout all of this we have learned that knowledge is power. So think about it. What seems to be bothering you day to day?

I watched the movie Storytelling and in it there is a line that says,

                "The pressure to get into the 	
		college of your choice is 	
		incredible. You know, they did a 	
		study recently of the youth in 	
		Bosnia during the bombing, and 	
		they found that the stress the 	
		young people experienced there was 
		less than what American high-
		school students go through when 	
		applying to college."

If that is not one of the best representations of how poisonous and how ridiculously driven down dead ends we are as part of our daily lives then I honestly do not know what is. We aren’t made to be selfish, we are made to love and to need love.

Honesty

I have an honesty box out of pure interest in what another person’s true thoughts of me are. Not because I am self conscious or in constant fear or worry about what others think of me but our of pure curiosity and entertainment. The best thing about the honesty box is the fact that it is anonymous and so most people fear nothing and leave nothing untouched when they post within your box. I like that. I love the idea of being completely honest with another person. If we could be completely honest face to face I believe the world would be a much more productive place. I believe a world in which lacked lies would be a more peaceful place.

Some would argue for hurt feelings and misunderstandings but frankly if we were being truly honest with ourselves we could shed the ego that cries from hurt feelings and scratches his head in awe wondering what was just said. Communication would be pure and unpolished. It would be raw and real and that is what everyone really wants to know.

Everyone wants to know the truth and if we stopped lying to ourselves and clinching tightly to egos we would soon find it. The Truth would enlightened the world. It would ignite us and set us free. We all seek truth every single day of our lives. Truth is important and hard to find. But if you find real people that get it, that want it, or that have it, and want to share it; you will be set on fire with knowledge and understanding. Coming full circle I would have to say that the honesty in the box is refreshing. Sometimes my feelings have been hurt but I have pushed them aside so that I could better understand their perspective. I want to understand everyone. I want no one to be left without a chance to speak their peace if they so wish. For truth in any form will light up the world.

The following are a few actual honesty box messages that I have received. As I and countless others have stated many times, the truth will set you free, so I wanted everyone to see what bits of truth I have been recieving as of late! As well as my responses. Enjoy!!!

FYI: My question lately for my honesty box has been
[If you could do or say one thing to me without any kind of consequence what would you do and why?]
In bold you will find their comments and in italics you will find my comments.


[message 1]

Talk to you about God. Because it’s my duty & I enjoy talking about Him. :) Do you go to church anywhere?

I believe in God but I do not like organized religions and thus I do not go to church. I have grown up in several different churches throughout my life and have found it difficult to see God there.

Honestly, you don’t find “God” in churches. Do you mean seeing God in the people there? Or the presence of God in the church building? You’re not going to find God in a church building. There’s very few people that really shine with God. People can be nice and kind and loving toward other people, but that doesn’t mean they have God inside. You find God in a personal relationship with Him and NOT a building or even another person. Tell me if I’m wrong here… Yes, God can shine through you if you are one of His Children/Believers. I know people who shine with God in them, but a lot of that is the fact that they are old and strong in their relationship with God. …Personally, I still struggle with my relationship with God, but I’m still a child in His eyes so I’m still learning the trade so to speak. :) Take a peek; it won’t hurt you.

I really don’t know who this is and I don’t know what you think you might know about me but I have a strong belief system of my own. I agree God is found with a personal relationship. I don’t know like being preached to. What is it within me that makes you feel like I do not have a relationship with God? Do you really know me at all? And regardless don’t you know that it is wrong to judge. None of us are without sin. I realized you think it is your duty to speak to the lost about God but truth be told I am not lost. In fact within the past few years I have gotten so much closer to feeling and believing in God in my everyday life. God is everywhere. I hope you didn’t take this message as rude or disrespectful in anyway but I am completely against the idea of being evangelistic. To each their own. I know you are taught that it is your duty to discuss the word of God with people and try and spread it and even more so try to help save someone; but you must understand a few things before approaching someone with such an issue. 1. People don’t like being told from other people how to live their lives in a religious sense. We have religious freedom for a reason. And as well you could contract and say that we also have freedom of speech…both are awesome rights we are born with inherently. And while you are expressing both your freedom of speech and freedom of religion upon me or someone else while regarding this subject you have to understand that if someone does not ask for such a conversation then something then you have invaded some personal space. 2. Regardless of how much you know me or think you know me or anyone else you have no idea until you are let in, which I don’t mind doing, however; when you 3. JUDGE me and say things like (Take a peek; it won’t hurt you) It suggests that you believe that I have no relationship with God and you are “doing me a favor” by telling me all about him. But this is not only old news to me but it is something I am a part of . It is offense to me to have you tell me how to live my life in regards to religion. Religion is one of the most valued and personal aspects of a person’s life. If someone in my life you don’t see Christian morals or evidence then I have nothing to say to you. You are looking upon me as a lost sheep, one that needs to be told what to do. Do you realized how much control this religion has placed on your life and mind? I love the lord but I don’t go knocking on people’s doors, judging them, and telling them about the lord. Yes, I did ask what you would do if given the chance to say or do anything to me without any kind of consequence and I see that answered full well in your first message. I wrote back because at first in a small way I admired your small gesture and honesty however it is dishonest to think you know me or anyone at a level where you could understand their relationship with God or lack their of. I know that you feel so strongly that it is your duty and I understand that and have no real issue until you start casting stones. “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone”…Don’t look at me and my life and assume that I do not know God. I know a God. I know a God that loves unconditionally. That brightens my days and uplifts me in ways unimaginable but I do not know a God that puts pressure so deep upon me that all of their freedom is taken away from them.. What kind of God is that? Selfish? To me, my God is real and he is not selfish but understanding and deeply loving. Honestly all God really wants for any human is to love and to be loved and that takes nothing more then deep introspection to understand that. Love is the most desired of all things and not one person is complete or completely immune to that desire. God is love. But God doesn’t ask others to place blame or judgment upon others. He and only he will judge me. And if you still feel that I don’t have God in my life maybe you should look past me and my ‘mistakes’ and stare into the mirror for a while. I’m not saying I am anything more or less than you because I do not find fault in others lives


[message 2]
bitch get a life


[message 3]
I would shake your hand and tell you that you won a million dollaz, and then not give you ANY money!!!
that is silly


[message 4]
Why don’t you do something with your life? Everything you have ever tried you have always quit. This is so dumb. If you really wanted to do something with your life you would try harder. Are you going to live in Salem for the rest of your life?

I don’t think you know half about what has happened. I don’t want to be here. It is not by choice. Sometimes you have to do things you don’t want to before you can do things you want to. If I could still be content back in missouri state I would but that wasn’t possible for me at that time. I don’t always quit things. I go for them. It seems like I quit because I am back in Salem but it is not that way. Sometimes plans don’t work out. Sometimes things are not what you think they are. And the idea of doing something with someone’s life is subjective. But thanks for asking.

That’s all for now folks, I hope you enjoyed this. Have a day, nah, have a grand day!

Windows

Through one window I see such brilliant sunlight that it makes me want to start everything all over. It inspires me to get up, pick up, and move. It makes me dance in more than just a change of pace and time. It captivates me and brings me to a surreal hope unwritten and unwavering beneath the foreseen reality.

And off towards the right somewhat distanced and distracted there lies a window crisp and clear. And it is unmotivated and familiar. It is rigid in it’s patterns and lines and I soon cannot forget the way it makes me feel. I feel uneasy and rejected like a sick teenager a week before prom.

These two windows sheding different light on me.

One to inspire and one to deny
All that is above and bellow the sky.

All The Years

All the years within me have spoken to me many secretes. They are vast in their subjects and pure in their meaning and purpose. My years have spoken to me both softly and loudly. My years have exclaimed of knowledge, wisdom, hope, grace, truth, happiness, love, relationships, humans, animals, coffee cups, spilled milk, of winning and of losing, of sharing and caring, of having and holding, of knowing and of believing. My years have whispered to me small lessons of life.

And as each whisper is spoken I feel the lesson being learned. I feel the importance of each mistake and the compassion of others. For many of my years I spend all my time and money trying to catch up with my past. All the while, knowing full well that the past cannot be repeated. All the while hoping for more but attempting so much less.

Today my years caught up to me. They have been chasing me so. I reached for them and listened up like a kid does to a cartoon character. I saw before my eyes what it was like to live my very own life. I analyzed who I was and where I was. What was I doing here and how did I get here? From any and all directions possible it seemed to me that everything had happened quite strategically but very in disguise.

And in my deepest consciousness I know that I have been a mess. But upon listening to the words of my years I start to see that all hope is not lost. All hope is too be gained with each and everyday. Each and everyday is a gift. Every person is a gift. Thank God I am here, living, breathing. I have true zeal. I always have but my zeal has been pointed in direction crooked like ruffled feathers.

But my zeal is brilliant and my hope is growing even brighter. I see the shine that I used to and I am so so ready for whatever tomorrow brings me. No matter the distance life is how you measure it. I wanna go far.

To Burn Again

I want you to imagine your biggest and boldest dream.
What does it involve? Is it happiness, love, truth?
Is it wealth? Is it driven by passion or compassion.
Or both? Are you looking towards a field alone
or is someone holding your hand?
I want to know where you see yourself in five years.
Are you here, still? Are you empty, still?
Will you forget bad language and bad habits
and replace them with shine and wax
or will you replace them with a person and a place?
Will you be loved or in love?
There is always something to dream.
No matter how close you are to living or dying,
You will absolutely and always desire and dream.
And I want to know what is.
What are you dreaming about today?
Will it change tomorrow?
I just want to know what you desire with everyday
as it begins and as it breaks
what is your first thought?
I miss being so close to someone
that I never had fears of any words I could speak
I miss being so close to someone
that there was listening from both ends
largely physical and emotional
but majority of it was a simple truth
and we shared it.
I just miss the relax and the exhilaration
of having another person around
that touches the same desires.
there is nothing like the burn
between two souls
so hot to touch
so comforting, in its warmth
and this is my desire.
To burn again.

Music

I love music. Every single aspect of it, both individually and together. The lyrics, the instrumentals, the vocals, and so on. Each song is a million moments, and a billion feelings. Songs are actively moving stories. You connect with the lead character. Perhaps you are that character. And something inside of those verses makes you want to jump out of your desk chair and doing something much larger than yourself. I think the real way to start a revolution is to first start presenting the ideas through music. As listeners learn and connect, there is nothing that motivates a person more.

To Sleep or Ahh

I might sleep but then again since I have been up all this time I might as well eat breakfast. I love my new cereal. Mable and brown sugar frosted mini wheats. Umm, Good! And good for you.

My eyes feel really heavy. Almost like I have just woken up from an awesome dream suddenly rather than being up for over 12 hours. Regardless, I think I am gonna eat and then sleep even though the doctors say that’s no good.

A small part of me is hoping the goodness of the cereal will weigh that out.

Ahh so good morning and what breakfast are you looking forward to?

Oh Ashley

[part one]
ashley: warrens online should i tell him i had a dream a murdered him
ashley: i think not
ashley: lol
alexis: maybe
alexis: you don't want it to come true
ashley: noway thats way creepy
ashley: why would it come true?
alexis: i don't know
alexis: not that it would
alexis: i am just saying
ashley: lol thats funny
alexis: it is well know that to stop a dream from happening in real like you tell the person
alexis: i know
ashley: i did not know that
alexis: oh well, now you do. lol.
ashley: it makes me sound crazy
alexis: hahaha totally does lol
ashley: we never talk im not going to telll him that lmao
alexis: but i doubt u would actually kill him
alexis: hahahaha
ashley: well duh
[part two]
ashley: good choise
alexis: thanks man
ashley: np np nacho mama nacho mama
alexis: what?
alexis: did you call me nacho mama?
ashley: lol u bet
alexis: awesome
ashley: beebleboop
alexis: you are such a dork
ashley: what were some of those words we used to say
alexis: i don't remember
alexis: it's been forever
ashley: im a big dork
ashley: I KNWO
ashley: i bet braman remembers
alexis: you think
ashley: snozlinger
alexis: we both have smoked weed so
ashley: no wait i named a pipe that
alexis: what?
ashley: snozlinger i named a pipe that
alexis: man what were those words
alexis: snozlinger totally rings a bell
ashley: well i named it that because willie wonka saved the ommpa lommpas from the snozlingers
alexis: hahaha
ashley: hell yea
alexis: well fuck
ashley: something doop
alexis: damn I really want to ask braman is she knows
alexis: I like like panswaller
ashley: boobledoop
alexis: that is def one
alexis: Boobledoop was one I remember...was it good or bad?
ashley: lmao i think it was bad i dunno though like ya said (n/s)
alexis: yeah if I would have know that was gonna fuck up my memory so much I probably still would have done it.
ashley: i still would have too
ashley: nosenblogger
ashley: thats bad
alexis: yeah for sure. I remember nosenblogger. That could totally be a person who has their nose up all the other blogs asses
ashley: lmao 4 sure
ashley: i went to pee and i said going to pee now and ii thought i sent it to you but i sent it to a girl i work with lol
lexis: hahahaha
alexis: that is so funny
ashley: embarassing
alexis: funny
ashley: i wasnt even talking to them so they just get some random im saying im going to pee
ashley: roflmao
alexis: hahaha i am laughing at loud so hard right now it's not even cool that I can share this laughter with you
alexis: shit you are hilarious
ashleylmao i know i know im trying not to laugh hear in my cubicle
ashley: im having a great silent chuckle